Anja Boersma
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Hi Debi,
Sorry I didn’t look for a reply of yours in the introduction – I did not expect any at the beginning of our course!
And thank you for your thorough analysis of my story.
It was JW instructor Philip W who said the adventure genre is dead, but yes, that does not deter me from writing it; after all, JK Rowling did not listen to her critics for writing a children’s magic book, so I will continue with this story.
But again, you are making me think … About turning it into a thriller story, which seemed like a good idea at the time; exactly because he’s so innocent and not the likeliest hero to take on a former Russian spy, I thought that would be fun. The Russian former spy-turned-businessman is good at manipulating people and Wendall, who grew up without a father, may blossom under someone who gives him confidence.
Debi, I DON”T KNOW if it’s a rom-com or a comic thriller caper, I find it really difficult to analyze my story myself! The thought of doing just a rom-com is scary to me; I need 80,000 words for it to be a novel and without the secret-lab-plot, I’d have only have half a novel. The relationship between Wendall and Alex with the antagonist mother is not going to be drawn out over 80,000 words, I gather.To answer another question you had, I had started editing only a week before this course started and I was like “Oh, why don’t I try to play with these timelines, go to and fro the old love story and the new one, try to create cliffhangers in between, where people will wonder whether Alex is his true love or if he is able to learn to love again with a new girlfriend who will take on the old shrew that is his mother … Create suspense there.
And now I still don’t know!
Your comment about the stereotype of the domineering mother is noted.Hi Julie,
When you mentioned the year ‘1918’ my first thought was “Twelve Monkeys”, the great film by Terry Gilliam. I’m ashamed I always think of movies first and then books, but yes, I can relate to Alison mentioning Daphne Du Maurier, “Rebecca” is coming to my mind too now …
Of course, 1918 was also the year of the infamous Spanish Flu, although it went everywhere BUT Spain, remarkably; I forgot the reason for that strange fact but maybe it’s something that’ll pop up in your 1918, the Spanish flu, that is.
To be honest, I thought the title “Dark Waters” was a tiny bit generic and I looked it up and yes, there are a lot more books called “Dark Waters”, so maybe you have a back-up title?Hi Kate,
Oh, I totally get the Dickens vibe! Annie is like Tiny Tim or Oliver Twist? An independent little scoundrel? Fantastic!
What stands out most to be is the image of Harry, taking a grammophone into the jungle with him sustaining the troops with music … (And this is consistent with his character, playing the organ in church when he’s growing up.)
This is a very vivid image, I see him carrying the old-fashioned record player around the jungle – perhaps, naively, even hoping that music will be able to unite the people?
All your characters are fully fleshed out, cudos.
At first I thought, it wasn’t easy to get a grip on who and why but it is clear that is the fault of the 150 words limit on the synopsis, it is impossible to describe the characters and their arc in the short span. But with your explanation I have no further questions or worries. I think, for a literary agent the synopsis is supposed to be longer, isn’t it? Yes, I checked with Jericho, 500-800 words, yay!
The part that music plays in your story is what sets it apart for me. I know, there’s a WW2 movie “The Piano Player”, and I haven’t seen it or read the book, but this just sounds … better.
AnjaHi Richard,
Everyone is so glad you’re writing a memoir but I don’t know how to critique it at all! I barely know how to critique regular fiction!
I love someone’s suggestion about starting with the accident where you’re rescued from the car by firemen. But your life started before that … But maybe you don’t have start at the beginning, just at the beginning of your character change …
If you would treat it like fiction there would be an ‘inciting incident’ and then ‘the point of no return’, stepping over the threshold, and then Plot Point 1 en Plot Point 2, and then the resolution, or 1. BEGINNING 2. MIDDLE 3. END. (1. Youth in Zimbabwe, 2. Training and life in the UK and 3. Retirement and wisdom UK).
The times where you didn’t want your mother to be a white farmer in Zimbabwe sounds like a huge Plot Point to me! But maybe your mother was very much able to defend herself? Was there fire involved in ruining those farms? That would keep in theme with your story …Hi Gill,
I had to laugh when you said Harry was a slippery guy … Sometimes a good (I mean good at being bad) antagonist is what makes a good story great, I think.
After reading this I do wonder how you will market it? Is it part police procedural, part psychological drama?
My thoughts: Laura seems to be aware of falling for the wrong type of man because of the childhood abuse by her father. But I think a lot of these victims keep making the same mistake over and over again. It’s possible that Laura IS aware of it, maybe she went to social services and a had a wise psychologist tell her this? Just something so that we know she’s aware that her old trauma is still influencing her decisions. I don’t know HOW these women will ever be able to make better decisions, there’s not that many good men around, is there?:(
But then again, if Harry is acting all nice and charming, she may think he’s a good guy after all. He doesn’t physicall abuse her, does he?And is there a secret revealed about Thatcher?!
Your story reminded me a bit about a half-political book by Ben Elton about the eighties, about an ambitious American who used to date an activist and he wants to tie up loose ends because he wants to run for President and he used to work at a military base in the UK … I think it’s twenty years old, too old to use as a ‘comp’, but it was a fantastic book. All the while I was reading, I thought it’s funny romance but no … he wanted to tie up loose ends …
Thank you, Lucia!
Indeed, a much-sheltered life he’s led.
Can I just say what a great group this is? Everyone is so involved!
I need to read lots of other people’s homework now, this is such a BIG group as well as a GREAT group …Thank you, Katie!
Hi Kate,
Thank you for your thoughts and curiosity!
In a way, it’s going to be almost like a suspense thing; will he hold on to his feelings for Alexandra or will he focus on the future and fall on love again?
Hmmm …Hi Julie,
Thank you for your thoughts, and that you see he has growth potential.
He will return home to Heptonstall to get Alex back, yes. But that’s where the story ends. (I’m hoping for a sequel where Mother will drag him away again, to Mexico this time, where she, Mother, will be the one to fall in love AND have to deal with a mother-in-law herself, a ninety year old devout and stern Catholic woman … But I digress, sorry).Dear Steven,
I love the way you describe the story!
I need to copy/paste this into a query letter 🙂
Thanks.Hi Gillian,
Thank you, especially for saying the time-switching adds a degree of curiosity. Lovely to hear!
She clings to him because he’s all she has, and no woman is good enough for her little Wendie (as she calls him). She will go through a character change herself and try to change but will fail.
Oh, and she sabotages the relationship by introducing Alexandra to another man … If it were true love, Alexandra should not fall for this other man, she claims afterwards.
It is being at the wrong spot at the wrong time. Old professor Pavlov suffered from Alzheimer’s and could barely understand his own notes anymore. Not that Wendall can read cyrillic but it’s a deed of opportunism at the Russian’s side.Dear Katie D,
Oh, spoiler alert if you don’t mind!
(With all the bingewatching we do, can we really appreciate cliffhangers still?)
His mother sets the woman up with another man … Which isn’t really mean, is it? It’s just something an old matchmaker is prone to do!
Indeed! Defeating the Russians gave him the confidence to take control of his own life!
Thank you for your enthusiasm, I appreciate it so much. 🙂Hi Richard,
Thank you!
If our teachers say it’ll work better in a linear chronological order, I will reconsider but I felt the need to do it this way.
We’ll see.Hi Alison,
Thank you!
Your comments are spot on, And Gill noticed the same issue.
I neglected to mention the Russians and was therefore able to keep it under 150 words. I cheated!
I will work on this …Hi Gill,
I’m in a crisis to be honest!
A while ago, an editor said I should lose the Russian-secret-lab subplot altogether but I thought it would be good for Wendall to confront a Russian gangster, figuring if he can do that, he can also one day confront his mother and get the girl in the end … So maybe it’s a bit all over the place. Now that you mention ‘juxtaposing bird spotting with a Russian spy drama’ I am starting to feel good about it again. Obviously, the synopsis needs more work. I just thought I’d focus on the love story bit but it IS a romantic ADVENTURE. That’s where the Russians come in. (I thought it was so easy to stay under the 150 words limit … Ha! I only told half the story!)
Thanks for your smart comments.
