Anja Boersma
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Hi Chithrupa,
Thank you for your questions!
1. Yes, it’s romance but not sci-fi, rather a romantic adventure.
2. He’s a bit of an amateur sleuth, but I see I have some work to do to make it plausible!
3. They would not! Again, I see I have some work to do to make it plausible!
4. Good point. It needs a rewrite. (The Russian mastermind is kidnapped by the Russian government and goes back to Moscow.)
5. She is one of those mothers who thinks no woman is good enough for her boy. They do exist!I forgot to mention how much I love your brilliant title!!!
(I love your brilliant title so much!!!!)
AnjaHi Katie D,
Oh wow! What a story!
I’m sorry to say that it did not make me think of other “cult” fiction, only about the real-time cult in New York City a few years ago. Did you research that one too? Not a religious cult for a change, but about an “empowering women” one, by Keith Raniere and actress Alison Mack. They tried to persuade Britney Spears to join them, but she was smart enough to turn them down. Stormy Daniels was not that smart, she was a member for a while, she had Keith Ranier’s initials branded (yes, branded) into her belly … Of course, it was only about his sexual pleasure, what a surprise.
Anyway, the story sounds fantastic. The feeling of being isolated, the group behavior – fitting in or not, Mary being a bit of an opportunistic schemester? I love that! There are so many wonderful things about this. Strangely enough, the unhappy ending works for me. I hope it works for the agent too! 🙂
One minor detail: if Mary has serious back problems, can she cycle for weeks? Is it necessary for her to cycle for weeks? Can’t she take the train?
Keep up the good work!
AnjaHi Lucia,
I LOVED your writing in the five-chapter-three-sentences but when I read the synopsis I was slightly disturbed by how a registered nurse would NOT confess that she had made a deadly mistake.
“Anna decides not to report Robert as the incident was partly her fault”, I would say it was 95% her fault at least!!! I just get a sense of lack of morality here, hence my critique.Perhaps in the story you’ve written it in such a way that Anna feels guilty as hell and is really conflicted but also terrified to admit she made a mistake? Perhaps it’s her second mistake already? Something like that? And in the end she can own up to it? That would be a nice character change indeed …
Do you have a title yet?Hello Gillian,
I think the title is brilliant!
Let’s see if the prize-winning architect is able to build a bridge into Ruth’s heart! But rather, it’s an old bridge really that needs maintenance. Or would it be better to tear it down, eh? Tons of opportunities for conflict as well as reconciliation, good job.
It’s a very relatable problem, of course. For years, the man is the breadwinner and then one day, the wife and mother wants to do something for herself, probably when she hits forty, a nice midlife crisis as it were.
But can the husband change? I imagine it would be very difficult for Simon.
Suddenly, his ambition is a bad thing, this must be hard for him to accept. Meanwhile, saving the planet and leaving it healthier for your children and generations to come is a worthwhile business too, if not more important! But that’s beside the point, it’s about their marriage.
What I found in my own relationship when we hit a rough spot, is that we had a clash in our priorities; I had my three priorities: 1) our pets, 2) our relationship and 3) my work and he had his three priorities, 1) work, 2) relationship and 3) the pets. I was like: “Don’t go that meeting, our dog has cancer! We need to see the specialist who’s a two-hour drive away!”
Anyway, I made my emotions clear and we’re still together 🙂 I make sure our priorities are in line!
In chapter 4 I worry it’s maybe a lot of ‘show and tell’ but perhaps that’s not the case in the story itself, it’s just the way it’s described in these difficult-to-stick-to-three-sentences bit, maybe?
Anyway, good job.Hi Steven,
A sports novel, but NOT soccer!
It’s simply wonderful to read something so different and original.
I think you have it all, the possibilities for endless conflict and tension, the uncertainty of how things will play out …
Your five three-sentence beginnings are very concise and to-the-point …
How long have you been a writer? For more or less than ten years? My guess is: over ten years.
I get a very skilled vibe when I read this.
Question: surely Serafina doesn’t decide to return to Poland on account of a missed penalty shoot-out?
And my only suggestion would be to let Lester also experience some emotion when Serafina leaves him, I just don’t know if that goes without saying or not! English people are supposedly famous for their upper lip, right? Keep calm and carry on? Or is that just for royalty, I really don’t know! (I’m Dutch, supposedly known for lack of tact). Prejudices, eh!?
But this IS about cricket so there will be plenty of testosteron, I’m sure.
I am intrigued!Hi Alison,
What’s the title for your new cli-fi story?
I love that, despite the serious subject, there is still the old-fashioned-in-person-bullying-in-school going on for Noah, it is simply the reality of the underdog hero whom we all vy for and that will bring about his character change.
With a name like Pretzel for an extra-terrestrial character it is clear that you use a lovely humor.
I wonder how he battles the infamous black spots – with something green or something you made up?
When you say cyberbully you don’t mean online stuff on social media, I guess, but fighting a battle in space; yet to me cyberbullying does spell social media bullying. Maybe you reflect on this, that it has another meaning in space?
Anyway, I think this sounds like a wonderful story – can’t wait to hear the title!HOMEWORK WEEK 1
Synopsis for “Wendall Knightley’s all-inclusive Turkish adventure”
Country pharmacist Wendall Knightley meets a woman and is determined to not let his domineering mother chase this woman away. He will date this woman and make her mine.
The woman falls in love with another man, due to Mother’s conspiring.
Heartbroken, Wendall is whisked away by Mother on a last-minute birding trip to Turkey.
He meets another woman but he’s anxious Mother will deploy another scheme to chase this one away too. One morning there is a loud explosion. He volunteers to examine what happened. Even a suicide mission is better than staying with Mother.
It turns out that the explosion was from a secret Russian lab.
Wendall continues to investigate what went on in said secret lab. The Russians come after Wendall and try to blackmail him into co-operating with them.
Wendall goes home determined to get his girlfriend back.Note: I have not written a linear story, I’m switching between two time lines … If it really doesn’t work, I can always return to the linear chronological structure.
(where you start, what happens, where you end up.)Heptonstall, UK
1. On a crowded train ride back home to Heptonstall, Wendall Knightley meets a woman with a German Shepherd pup. Soon Wendall, shy old bachelor that he is, has fallen in love with the woman. It turns out that she’s Heptonstall’s new veterinarian and has booked a room in Wendall’s Mother’s B&B, or rather, their garden shed.
Hallifax, UK
2. Wendall sits at the travel agency with Mother. He objects but Mother is adamant to drag him away from Heptonstall and his broken heart. The travel agent sells them a cheap last-minute birding trip to Goksu-Delta, Turkey.
Heptonstall, UK
3. Wendall arrives home and introduces Heptonstall’s new vet whom he met on the train, Alexandra Cranston, who goes by ‘Alex’. Mother is shocked to see Alex is a woman and acts passive-aggressive; she does not intend to share her son with any woman. Determined to win the old broad over, Alex invites Mother to have dinner with Wendall and her at the pub.
Goksu-Delta, Turkey
4. Breakfast always takes place on the patio of ‘Abdullah’s Pension’, and the gentle May sun warms the group of birders’ bones. Fortunately, for the last three days, a stomach flu confines Mother to her bed so Wendall is able to socialize with the other birders. When a pretty young female birder chokes on a bit of pistachio baklava Wendall performs the Heimlich maneuver brilliantly and ends up being the girl’s hero.
Heptonstall, UK
5. Mother joins Wendall and Alex on their date to the pub. Mother wants to hear all about Alex’s fiancé and Alex, to appease her, makes one up. But then Mother realises it’s not really an engagement ring Alex is wearing on her finger and her mood changes. Wendall worries what she might do to chase Alex away.Hi Paula,
Julie called it cli-fi! that is so brilliant! A new genre is born! Perfect when you talk to an agent!
And yes, I was definitely getting the ‘Noah’ vibe as well with the “getting all the animals into the Kilimanjaro ‘arc”. (And I like it.)
I guess they only had to move out of the NgoroNgoro crater?!
There is A LOT going on in your synopsis. Is this just the main plot? I think that you might skip some of the minor details or that you are tying up the romantic subplot? I don’t know if you have to mention subplots in a synopsis. Question for our two teachers maybe?Chithrupa,
I agree with Steven: the best title (ever) is “The Three Deaths of Xander Crewface”! It is intriguing AND it also clearly indicates your genre. Cudos!
