Gill Lee
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Why it was all damp in here; the plaster was falling. Whatever did they want to hang a beast’s skull there for? gone mouldy too. And rats in all the attics. The rain came in. But they never sent; never came. Some of the locks had gone, so the doors banged. She didn’t like to be up here at dusk alone neither. It was too much for one woman, too much, too much.
Answering my own question. Emma’s given us this bit from Virginia Wolf. So, setting in PD4/5 ? Then in to PD3 and back again?
Condensing – sorry, yes, missed the question at first read. This paragraph is for the exercise and wouldn’t be in the WiP. The scene plays out much more slowly. The conclusion of the article isn’t revealed here. Just that it stands everything Laura thinks she knows about Mike on its head. The next chapter reveals Mike is a spycop, but is written from his point of view.
Also, just noticed your PD5 is for setting. I’d been thinking of it as, roughly, PD4/5 setting, PD 1/2 feelings and PD 3/4 thoughts/feelings. So I’d kind of thought only settings which were really, really dramatic, like an earthquake, would be PD5. But here you’ve got a supermarket. But it’s one which in this context is ‘felt’ not ‘seen’ even though we might get colours, noises etc. It’s like the impressions of objects and noises. Hmmm. Very keen to see how our coursemates do this…..
Also I was thinking PD5 would be the kind of ‘reaction’ part of a scene / bit of a scene/ which is true, I think, of Paula’s, yours and mine (the only ones posted so far and which work from 1 to 5 ) but Debi said you could go the other way out – starting with 5 and working to 1….? So that doesn’t fit with it being a ‘reaction’…sorry this is a ramble…
But isn’t it a question of whose colour we’re getting? In PD1 we could get glorious descriptions of places and people. Just they would be the narrator’s rather than the characters?
What a wonderful neighbour to have! Just reread your scene on the terrace below and there’s loads of variety zooming in and out very effectively!
Hi Katie,
You’re such a brilliant writer and are so deeply into the head of your character I get the feel of Mary’s view of the world even in those furthest out sentences, so wondering if they are PD1? Agree the first two are. But then….isn’t this Mary’s view of the supermarket – no interruptions, no requests to ‘check the back’ ? And doesn’t the ‘parade’ of fridges imply an attitude to them – showing off, more important than the workers? I love this description, just not sure it’s PD1. I’ve been wondering about how to get setting into a closer PD than 1 and I think you provide the answer so really interested by this…will wait for Debi to let us know…..
Love that ‘swollen silence’.
Ha, Paula,
Trumpy will never be the same again! Not sure he’s got the self-awareness to view himself as a cheeto snack. A bit as I did you’ve used the closest PD for thoughts and feelings which is what seems to come more naturally….Just wondering if we can also use them for settings? Keen to see if anyone does it that way, or how to work from inner to outer…Maybe when the setting is the most important thing for the character eg earthquake?
Hi Chithrupa,
Yes, could definitely work on fragmenting a bit more for PD5. This isn’t an actual paragraph from the book as the setting is towards the beginning of the scene. But I’ve realised this is something I tend to do is start a scene in Pd1 and then work in, and need to get more flexible at using setting, as I have seen many of you wonderful coursemates doing!
I’m still tangling with when PD5 should be used. Since it shows quite a visceral, extreme reaction I’ve tended to use it so far for more high point emotional moments. But may need to rethink that and experiment. Need to ‘read as a writer’ more too to figure that out….
Whooh
People on this course capable of setting their own sails, but hope I’ve not set off ahead in the wrong direction, only to find you’re all going somewhere different…. I’m putting time into rejigging to get a proper narrative arc to my novel for week 6, so wanted to post this one and move on a bit. Anyway, thanks for kind words. Have just noticed ‘hand on the handle’ which I should have spotted. Ah well….
Okay, going for it. Was hoping to see someone else’s post first to check….
So in this scene (much condensed from WIP) Laura visits the newspaper library at Colindale to check up on the story of the van. She previously discovered Mike may have used a false name and that the confusion over names could have hidden his death in the van ten years ago. The article she has come across ends with the information Mike is a married policeman with children (which we learn by reading his first PoV chapter which follows.) This scene in the library is right at the end of this chapter and concludes Laura’s first section in the WiP.
PD1
The library at Colindale was busy on a Thursday afternoon. The tall windows sent slabs of light into the oak-panelled room and its occupants yawned and stretched at their desks, on which sat vast ledgers of old newspapers, or stacks of plastic spools. Laura sat huddled over a microfiche machine, her hand on the handle.
PD3.
Laura re-read the final paragraph, trying to impose a meaning on the words. Her fingers tightened on the handle, her eyes skimming the words, searching for the flaw, the error she had made. Something would show her the article was a lie.
PD5
The library was a house of lies. That last paragraph, nonsense. She was Kafka’s cockroach. An insect, with a great black belly, lying on its back and waving her legs in the air.
The library at Colindale was busy on a Thursday afternoon. The tall windows sent slabs of light into the oak-paneled room, making its occupants yawn and stretch at desks piled with ledgers of old newspapers. Laura sat at a side desk with a microfiche reader and a stack of plastic spools labelled ‘1983’. Her eyes were fixed on the screen and her grip on the handle tightened as she re-read the last paragraph from ‘The Post’, trying to impose a meaning on the words. But they were nonsense, a lie. Or a joke? An April fool’s joke played in May? She was Kafka’s cockroach. An insect. Lying on her back with her legs in the air.
Hi Julie,
Just popped in – late – to say what a lovely bit of writing! You have such an amazing way of using weather, dialogue and action together!
Hah, Recognise that ‘wringer’ from last week! We’ve all got so much to learn but isn’t it fun to be learning! You’ve got wonderful characters – stick with them!
Hi Steven,
You’ve certainly surprised me with Serafina. I was feeling sorry for her last week and this week I’m feeling very alarmed for Lester! I warmed to him, definitely, when he was persuaded about Tom and Jerry by Serafina’s strong judgement over it. Somewhere we must find these two have something in common, mustn’t we? Or is it a case of opposites attract?
Hi Kate,
What a lovely scene which raises lots of questions and I’m wondering how many of them are clear for the reader in context, and how many arise from the scene itself?
What is it she is waiting to tell him?
Why does the piano fascinate her so much?
Why does making sound affect her so much? Her general powerlessness? A search for beauty?
I found this bit a little confusing:
‘When he stopped and let go, she was shaking. She could not reclaim her hand. It was no longer hers.
“God, are you alright?” he asked. But she could think only of the piano.’
I read it first as desire for him – reclaim her hand – but then she seems to think more of the piano than of him…?
The description of him holding her hands in his and conjuring the music is very beautiful and affecting. made more so by her silence. Reminded me of watching Lucy with her teacher in the wonderful ‘The Piano’ on BBC (love Claudia’s fringe so much!) and if you haven’t seen it – you must!
I was less convinced by Harry’s piece, partly because I didn’t like the snobbery he can’t help displaying to us!
