Lucia Gannon
Forum Replies Created
-
Replies
-
Teary in a good way, I hope!
I just read the first few pages of ‘Trading Tatiana.’ You don’t just talk the talk! Such an engaging action-packed beginning. I’m looking forward to the rest of it.
I hope you enjoy what’s left of the weekend before hurtling into next week, where all your eager students are waiting!
Hi Anja,
Enjoying reading all the feedback again and getting a much better idea of everyone’s WIP.
Can I just ask you something? I think I must be missing something—and English is my first language so kudos in writing in your non-native tongue. That’s very impressive.
I can’t understand Alexandra’s response to Wendall’s question about the ‘mad cows’! Are they just talking at cross-purposes, or is she carrying a gun? Apologies if I have missed something that everyone else seems to have grasped!
Oh, Debi,
Thank you so much. This is so encouraging and so helpful.
I have been re-writing (tinkering with) the opening scene since the agents’ feedback and all of the fantastic comments from the others, trying to bring Anna’s motivations to light throughout the scene but failing miserably. But of course, it makes such sense to start, like you said, with her reluctance to go home and her decision to call on Margaret, and then this scene only needs an odd tweak here and there. Genius! If I don’t learn anything else on this course (and I don’t think that will be the case), I am happy with that.
This past week, I have pulled loads of books from the bookshelves and read the first few pages. And, of course, there, slap bang on the first page, practically every time the MC comes to life. How did I never notice this before?
I also noticed that while some of these first pages give lots of details of the scene, they present it through the character’s eyes and allow the reader to experience how the character feels, what they notice and what this scene (if it is their own house or garden or city) says about them. Sebastian Barry’s Old God’s Time was so instructive. I thought I was simply getting a picture of the MC’s house, but there is so much characterisation, and it is so deftly done.
I can’t resist an example, as I had to stop reading and absorb the amount of work these couple of sentences were doing.
‘This premises, with its little echoing bedroom, its tiny entrance hall, a few hundred books still in their boxes and his two old gun cases from his army days, was where Tom Kettle had in his own words ‘washed up.’ The books remembering, if sometimes these days he did not, his old interests.’
I have read ‘Read like a Writer’ and ‘How to Read a Book’ but just two weeks into this course I am ‘seeing’ so much more how authors narrate good fiction.
As I said in a previous comment, veils are lifting all over the place. I feel so excited about the re-drafting and editing process and hope I can transmit some of this new learning to the page. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And, of course, thank you to all the wonderful and insightful readers here. Such a great collection of readers and writers. I can’t wait for next week!
Thanks for posting this, Chithrupa. Thanks to you and Debi, I am beginning to understand what ‘voice’ means.
Well done! And it is heartening to know that you wrote this straight. The spontaneity shines through. I don’t think it needs much editing at all.
Hi Kate,
I had a disappearing message last time so I do them in Word now and paste in.
Glad you found the comments helpful. I still have a picture of a happy-go-lucky, fourteen-year-old Annie whose whole world is about to change. Am looking forward to seeing how that unfolds.
Hi Julie,
I’m sure if I was reading this as a novel I would be so absorbed that I would not think about things like restricted access etc.
It’s just that my analytical mind comes into play here when reading and sometimes it can run away with itself!
I also jumped to the conclusion that someone leaning out of a tall building could only be contemplating suicide. That just reflects my limited imagination. I would love to read a book with a ‘storm-chasing’ character or family, I had just never conceived of such a concept!
I’m looking forward to more. Reading everyone’s work is helping me to abandon myself to the more imaginative and creative elements of plot. I think I suffer from a deficiency of fantasy and the supernatural in my reading diet!
Hi Gillian,
I will enjoy this book when I get to read it as it sounds like you are answering all my questions just as I am about to ask them!
Hi Cithrupa,
As a medic, I had no trouble recognising that Xander was in an ICU. I could see the bed with rails, hear the rattle when they were let down and put up again by staff (even though you don’t mention this), smell the acrid smells, and hear the thuds and beeps.
It was interesting to see that not everyone got this straight away!
I need to be aware of this for my own WIP as I present scenes and conversations that are so familiar to me that could be completely misinterpreted by others.
Hi Paula,
You can edit the comments for a limited time after posting.
I had to do this here because it was cluttered with code!
Thanks, Debi,
I hope it hasn’t happened in other posts. I’ll check as soon as I get a chance.
Hi Alison,
I’m so sorry, my reply contained code and I didn’t notice it until now.
I have repaired it here as I cannot edit the original. But if anyone knows how to delete that comment as it is cluttering up the thread, I would be grateful!
Sorry everyone. You have enough to read without me adding code!
I like the fast pace of this piece. I asked you last week what age group you were writing for. Apologies. I completely missed that it was middle grade but I had figured from writing that that must be age group so that can only be a good thing!
The genre comes through loud and clear in this excerpt. A couple of things came to mind. Noah is brave and curious, but I also feel he knows more than Nell and has secret knowledge. If this is the first time we meet him, would it be good to include a very brief (sentence or two) description? I’m not sure who the MC is from this excerpt. It could be either Noah or Nell but this is the very beginning so I know that will become clear very soon.
I am no expert in middle-grade literature, so ignore this if it is way off the mark, but the words ‘morphed’ and ‘colossal’ strike me as being a bit advanced. Again, I don’t know, and you have done this before, so I don’t feel qualified to advise, but I want to put it down in case it is useful. And also, because you can educate me if I am wrong!
And I wondered who said, ‘Come on, time to go.’ I guess it is Nell, as it is a new line, but I wonder if it would be clear if this story were being read to someone. It’s just a tiny point.
An enjoyable read. I look forward to more.
Me again!
I think you might have helped me solve the problem of why Anna decided to visit Margaret that evening. (This was a question raised in another comment that I had not thought about.) I think it was because she did not want to go home. There is tension in her marriage that both she and Steve are trying to avoid addressing, and I think I could probably hint at that here.
Thanks Steven,
I am beginning to realise that I prefer zooming out to zooming in!
I see I have done it again here. Thanks for that. I hadn’t picked up on it here. Sometimes, when I am not sure exactly how to proceed, I zoom out, and I do need to watch that. Thanks again.
Paula, I am just popping in here to reply to Katie.
Sorry about the code, Katie.
I pasted and got all the code but managed to delete it. You must have got in there just after I posted!
Thanks for the tip though. I’ve just finished the primary feedback for everyone but I’ll remember this for next time.
Hi Paula, BROC
I like the mix of scene-setting and internal monologue. The oppressive heat, the tutor standing motionless, and the flies add to the scene. Your description of Jacqueline’s tutor draws me away from her, and I think you could have written more about her struggle with the lion cub. I was aware that he was mewling, and I presumed he was trying to get away.
I know this is a short excerpt, but I think it could be a much longer scene as it is so evocative. I would like to know what emotions the lion cub evokes in her perhaps, rather than her discomfort, which makes me wonder if she will ever survive this task or want to spend more time in this country. But perhaps this is what you want us to think at this point. I look forward to getting to know her better.
